Don’t Change Me!
I was reading a post in one of my favorite discussion groups on Fet, “Not Quite Ready for Polite Company M/sers”–
Oh, wait. I’m not in an M/s relationship, so maybe I shouldn’t be part of the group, or comment in it. Actually, for the most part, I don’t comment much, due to the above, and feeling that since I am not in the dynamic they speak of, I really don’t have any place to comment. But I like the group’s (for the most part) no-nonsense approach to M/s relationships, and willingness to say what they think without a lot of the pussy-footing around that goes on in some of the other discussion groups. I mean seriously–if you say you’re in a Master/slave relationship, then, um, haven’t you consented to give up those very rights that so many “slaves” claim to still have (and then bitch and moan about not having, or being asked to give up?)
I’m not talking about the person that says they’d jump in front of a bus if their Master told them to, but simple things, like…cutting or changing the color of their hair. Wearing (or not wearing) certain items of clothing. Wearing nail polish, shaving themselves a certain way, losing weight, eating certain foods, learning to do certain things to please their Master/Owner. I mean, isn’t that what this type of relationship is about–submitting to the wishes and desires of another? And that’s just in a D/s relationship, where, in my opinion, there is still “wiggle room” as one commenter said. I mean, it’s submission, right? In an M/s or O/p relationship, the very basis of the relationship is slavehood, being owned, by the other. Within that context, it seems pretty simple to me. Any, and every, aspect of my appearance is subject to pleasing him and to submitting to his desire.
Having come from a D/s background when I met W, I was actually a little disconcerted/nonplussed that he didn’t have any requirements about such to me. But I soon learned that not having requirements didn’t mean he didn’t have a preference. I paid attention and have tried to incorporate the things he does prefer into the way I present myself to him.
Toenail polish was one. If you look at my pictures from two years ago, I am not wearing toenail polish in any of them. Then one summer day I got a pedicure and went over to his house. His reaction was overwhelmingly positive–and to this day I am seldom without it when I go to see him. Yeah, sometimes that means I have to sit at my desk and paint my toenails just before I head over to his house–and I’m okay with that. ;-) And the other day I was wearing fingernail polish–and he noticed, and made a point of praising it. I was ridiculously pleased that he had noticed, and though I had heard him remark that he liked painted fingernails before, it wasn’t really driven home until he noticed the other day. Nail polish on my fingernails is harder to keep up in my profession, but I am already pretty certain that as often as I can, especially if we are going out somewhere, I’ll be doing them now too.
And then there’s my labia piercings. Do I even need to go into those?
But all that isn’t so much about submitting to his stated desires. He doesn’t tell me to do those things, and is not upset when I don’t. I do them because I like to please him. I consider it a function of my submission to him to find the the things that please him and do those things for him. Pro-active submission? Maybe. But within the context of our dynamic, it works.
And he has made adjustments in his approach to this thing that we do as well. I have learned to be pro-active, yes, but he also recognizes my own need to, occasionally, have specific things that I am told to do. He gives me more direction now on what to wear, and if I ask his preference directly, he will usually tell me.
And of course there’s the heels. ;-)
If our dynamic was different, though, if he did like to dictate my appearance, I would have no problem acceding to his wishes. I know without a shadow of a doubt that he could tell me tomorrow to cut my hair off, dye it purple, get a new tattoo, remove an old one, pierce any part of my body, only wear skirts and fuzzy sweaters from now on…etc., etc., and I’d do so. Our agreement–the parameters of our O/p relationship–ostensibly only covers my sexuality, but my own internal parameters go far beyond that. Internal slavery? Perhaps.
The point is, this is about submission. Submitting to the desires of another. And what could be more basic than submitting to their desire for how you should look? It’s a no-brainer, IMO.