I write a lot about the emotional impact that anal sex has on me. It affects me on psychological and emotional levels in ways that differ sharply from other kinds of sex. It’s impact is distinct and sharp and hits on submissive triggers and emotional barriers in a way that nothing else does.
I seldom talk about the purely physical sensations of anal sex, though. Although I often talk about it in terms of pain and discomfort (because oftentimes that is what it is and specifically how W likes to use it–more on that in a bit) it is, none-the-less, physically pleasurable. Sometimes even in the doing of it, not just the after-effects. ;-)
I mentioned how easily W’s cock slid into me the other day, when he took me down in the basement to reclaim me. It was partly because his cock was slick with my spit (that always helps) but also because, when it comes to ass-sex, W has the absolutely perfect sized cock. He fills me entirely, stretching me out and making me just a bit uncomfortably full, without being unbearably huge and stretching me too much. In fact, if I am the least bit prepared by fingers or toys, and if he uses lube, fucks me in the ass after he’s been in my cunt, or allows me to wet him with my mouth before he fucks me, oftentimes there is no actual pain, just a deep pleasant pressure as he slides in and my ass slowly opens for him. There is always a tightness and a bit of discomfort as he pushes past my sphincter muscle, but again, if he has had me wear a buttplug, or used other toys on me before fucking my ass, even that muscle is more relaxed and receptive, and the little bit of resistance, that stretching, is, in itself, pleasurable.
Huh. Trying to write about just the physical sensations is harder than I thought it would be. Anal sex has so many many emotional triggers to it that it’s hard to separate the physical from the emotional. The instinct of submission inherent in it, the exquisite feeling of subjugation, of being dominated in such a primal way, is hard to separate from the purely physical sensations of feeling his cock, so perfectly shaped and sized, stretching and filling me, making me feel full in a way nothing else does. They are part and parcel of the same experience.
And yet, I do think I could love ass sex outside of the paradigm of dominance and submission. There is pleasure in just the physical experience of it.
Perhaps that is why I love enemas so much. Done in a sensual way, there is a deeply erotic pleasure in feeling my body filled by the warm fluid, feeling the gentle pressure build, almost soothing, until I am heavy and full with the warm liquid.
Such a very different physical feeling from the ass-raping I usually get.
I daydream about that–about ass sex or ass play purely for my enjoyment–actually. I wonder what it would be like to be able to simply ask for ass sex, for my pleasure, sometimes. I was thinking about it yesterday when we realized that we may have lost my Njoy plug. W’s immediate response was, “We need to get you another. But you need the mondo-really-huge one.” And I was like, Really? REALLY? Can’t I have one thing that is actually pleasurable? I love my Njoy. The size (large) is perfect for wearing for long periods. No, it doesn’t make me miserable, and no, it doesn’t hurt…I actually like the way it feels inside of me. That said, it still makes me feel submissive and is a constant reminder that there’s something in my body that he has either placed there or told me to wear. And that’s mentally hot, regardless of the fact that it isn’t causing me distress physically. So it does seem that there’s a way to have both, at times. Pleasure mixed with D/s. Kind of like when he makes me fuck myself to exhaustion, right?
Another fantasy that involves the pleasure of anal sex: being given a warm enema (which is, in itself, an act that inspires my most submissive feelings) and then to have him stretch my ass slowly, lovingly, opening me with fingers and toys, one after another until I am soft and receptive–
–and then fucking the shit out of me. Using my ass, hard and deep and fast and long, with his cock and toys, combining aggression and discomfort with pleasure.
Seriously though, I have barely got to the point where I can ask for sex–sex just for my pleasure–from W, much less ass sex. Many, many times I have wanted him to fuck me and not been able to ask. (I finally did the other night, even asking for a specific “toy”–okay not an actual toy, a trailer hitch, but whatever!–and then actually instructed him on how I wanted it done. It was pure agony to do! But damn it was a good fuck.) But asking for ass sex? As emotionally charged as it is for me? Probably not gonna happen.