So today was the big day: W and Ad had scheduled my labia infusion for 11am that morning. I had learned about it right before going to bed the night before.
“Oh my god,” I said, “I guess I can’t back out now.”
“That’s right,” they agreed. “That’s why we scheduled it first thing – so you won’t have time to back out.”
What I didn’t know was that this day was a doubly Big Day: they had also scheduled my kidnapping, which turned out to be more of a pony rustling & breeding. And, (after having written most of this post) I realize that this was just one big-ass, busy day in general!
I’ll tell all about the saline injection in detail in a separate post, but suffice it to say that it was not as horrific as I imagined. In fact I quite enjoyed it. And damn those swollen pussy lips were fun to play with after the actual infusion (I think the Guys will agree.)
Actually it was the “after the injection” fooling around that took up a good portion of our afternoon. UnkleP did the first infusion, and left us alone so the Guys could mess with me. They did, a bit, and discovered that they could “smush” the saline around from my outer labia to my inner, and that the effect was not quite as dramatic as it had been initially. So as soon as UnkleP returned to check on me, W asked him to “pump me up” again. That’s right, I was ready for more saline. We wanted some seriously swollen lips! UnkleP was more than willing to oblige, and I was happy to get all pumped up again.
And then, we were off.
First to the woods for a rope/bamboo/balancing/cropping scene. Then they paraded me around camp like a slave, with my swollen cunt prominently displayed by rope, whipping me as we went.
It was during this walk that the “meow” game was born. W took me to the blackboard in the center of camp where everyone wrote quotes and had Ad write “No more meow!” on it. Then he whipped me in front of the message, just in case I had forgotten about poor little fucked-up Hello Kitty.
Later that day “meow” would become a catchphrase used by Ad to instigate further depredations upon my body by W (I told you Ad was a shit-disturber!) W would whip me every time Ad said “meow,” which he did often. W quickly decided that just the word meow wasn’t enough, though, and expanded the punishment to include any word that had the sound “purr” in it. Soon they were whipping me through camp saying, “PURRsonal. PURRfect. PURRvert. PURRsion.” and on and on. It was all kinds of good fun.
Then, finally, it was back to the tent to use those swollen, saline-infused lips the way they were meant to be used. Oh yeah, happy Jade: infused, displayed, whipped and fucked. Could the day get any better?
Why yes, yes it could!
Next up: a Pony Rustling! But you’ll have to wait for a separate post on my Tryst kidnapping.
After that, we retired to the pool for awhile to cool down and relax a bit. While there, we got to see a water scene involving MonkeyFetish, one of the photographers at camp, and a woman in a gas mask. I’ve never been much for gas masks, but this was hot hot hot, as he repeatedly dunked her, held her under, and did breathplay with her under the water. It made me squirm in anxiety – and a little bit of excitement. Later, when we went to Fusion, I would remember that scene and realize that I have been growing quite interested in water play. Someday I may have to make that happen.
On the way to get out of the sun for awhile we stopped to watch a friend of ours get suspended and then face-fucked – another very hot scene! So often suspensions are just…suspensions. Pretty, but…boring (for me, I know lots of other people get much more out of them.) But me, I want something to happen to me when I’m tied up…and damn, it sure was to her.
What I did note and found interesting about that particular scene though, was how clear she was on what she wanted from it. She communicated directly and specifically with the Top throughout, and when she wasn’t okay with something, or was done with something, or wanted something else, she said so. Later this would play a part in a little impromptu mini-scene that she, Ad and W had standing at the bonfire. I have difficulty with “pick-up” scenes for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that oftentimes they involve very little negotiation (or seem to.) Maybe there are negotiations that I am missing, or maybe it is just in my own experiences I have not been able to find a way to negotiate gracefully, and so tend to avoid them altogether, and even feel a bit of discomfort when I see W engaged in them, wondering about how that all works between them. We have actually ended up having some enlightening discussions on the topic, and it has given me a lot of food for thought. I do know that my inability to sometimes state those boundaries (and likes/dislikes/expectations) clearly has meant that occasionally, in this situation, I have ended up enduring things I don’t like rather than finding ways to communicate in a positive manner for things I do like. This is something I need to learn to do better. Anyway, something to noodle on for future posts/events, I guess (and definitely something to consider when it comes to swinging.)
Anyway…the “meow/purr” scene that I mentioned above actually happened at about this time. We got back to our campsite and putzed around for a bit, then decided to take another walk around camp. I wanted to check out the little trail around the pond (and was secretly hoping for the much hinted-at knocked-down-beat-up-dirty scene.) So off we went, with the Guys whipping me as we walked. It was a lot of fun. At every turn in the woods I expected to get pounced on and thrown against a tree or down in the dirt and get the snot beat out of me…but that never happened. ~pout~ (Damn I just want it all, don’t I? lol) I did end up with some nice slashes and some non-consensual mosquito bites, though. We ended up going over to the Exploratorium event (a hands-on “skillshare” where you could try out a variety of things) and I did get a little of my desire to get beat up appeased by Lilboxer, who was demonstrating ass boxing to anyone who was curious.
I loved it, and I think she was quite interested in the effect the boxing had on my piercings and still-swollen labia. Um, yumm? YUMM! Again, I should have spoken up and asked her if she would be interested in doing an actual scene at some point that weekend, but I chickened out. I did approach her in email after the weekend was over though, and maybe the next time we are in the same location…
So then it was dinner time. Back to the camp we went, where W finally got Ad to let me suck his cock, at least semi-publicly. W told me to get on my hands and knees while he sat on one chair, having a drink, and Ad sat on the other across from him. Then I went back and forth between them, sucking each of their cocks while the other whipped me. Back and forth and back and forth on my knees in the dirt…so very freaking hot!
But the night wasn’t over yet. I had mentioned wanting to play-wrestle at some point that weekend, and they had mats set up in the big playspace. I brought it up again, and they Guys seemed enthusiastic, but first we had to set up some rules.
“How do I win?” I asked.
They both laughed. “You don’t,” they said.
Okay, while I know that’s technically true, I need to feel there is some possibility that I could actually win, or I won’t play. I don’t like lose-only situations or predicaments (well, except in rope bondage, but even in that, half the fun in it for me is trying to find ways to alleviate the pain/suffering–which only leads to different pain/suffering, which makes W happy and is the point of the whole thing, so it’s a win-win! LOL)
“No really, Guys, I need to have something to try for, or I’ll just give up,” I said.
Ad shrugged. “Well, in wrestling it’s whoever pins the other one first.”
Riiight. Like I’m going to pin him. Have you seen the size differential between us? I might be able to be squirmy enough to keep him from pinning me, but there was no way I could pin him.
“How about we have a set amount of time, and if you can’t pin me in that amount of time, I win?” We decided on three minutes per bout (I was going to wrestle first one, then the other, with the other one being the time-keeper/referee. Another bonus of having multiple partners!) Off we went to the wrestling mats.
Ohmygod it was fun! I lost to both of them, but I think I gave them a good run for their money. And seriously? Three minutes is a long time!
You’d think that I would have been exhausted by then, but I still wanted to do more. I had mentioned several times that I wanted a particular type of wax scene. I had seen some pics of it on Fet, and had asked to do something like it at home, and had asked to do it in Memphis when we went as well, but I got sick in Memphis and they just hadn’t done it at home, so I tried again at Tryst. What I like about it is that it is visually appealing and different than I’ve seen done at any of the conventions or play parties I’ve been to, and it adds bondage into a wax scene in a way that I’ve been interested in ever since I first started seeing those pictures of Japanese women bound with candles dripping on various parts of their bodies. Or shoved into various parts of their bodies. So yeah, for like…10 years now I’ve wanted a scene like this.
I had even printed out pictures of what I wanted.
After our breathing slowed from wrestling, I asked them if we could do the wax scene. Here’s where I’ll admit to my own vanity: I wanted it either in or near enough the big play space so that others would see it, and (hopefully) we’d get some pictures of it by the camp photographers. Sadly, there are no pictures, but that may have been because it ended rather unexpectedly with me having a meltdown.
That’s right. It was supposed to be this relaxing rope and wax scene. Sensuous and visual. Wax play is BDSM 101, right? No big deal. Instead it was the scene that I broke down in, crying big, jagged, sobbing, near-hysterical tears.
The tie I had wanted was either one on my back, with my legs up and the wax dripping down between them or on the back of them, or folded beneath me with the wax dripping down on my chest. I also liked the idea, and had asked, to experience the wax being dripped on my still-swollen cunt, so those poses offered that. I also think I subconsciously chose both of these poses deliberately because I would be on my back, and could see the candle, and thus the flame. My fear of fireplay usually doesn’t come into play with wax scenes, either because I can see the flame, and it’s very controlled, or maybe because I have never been bound while being waxed, so I know I can escape. I didn’t actually realize that this second reason (being bound) might have contributed to my reaction until later, when I parsed out why I had such a negative reaction to the scene. (So now of course I want to try it again. Heh.)
Anyway, they chose a perfect spot on an interesting piece of furniture in front of the dungeon and we got set up. Right away I knew it wasn’t exactly going to be what I had envisioned. W had Ad tie me facedown instead of on my back, with my arms bound behind me and my legs lifted straight back. I have low back issues, and I knew right away that my back was going to give out long before I would get much pleasure of the wax play. I told W and he nodded (he is well aware of my back issues but tells me to remind him when I know a tie will possibly aggravate it), but he decided to proceed anyway, telling me to keep him informed of my condition. Okay. I wanted to say more at that point, not about my back, but about what I had wanted the scene to be like. I wanted to say, that’s not really what I want, remember the picture I showed you? But I didn’t. Many times I envision a thing a certain way and W does it differently/his way either for logistics/safety reasons that I am unaware of, or just because he wants to, and it turns out just as good or better than I had imagined. Also, I don’t want to direct things – even when it’s my vision. It is the letting go of control that gets my head in a good space. Maybe, in this instance, I should have been more persistent, but I was really ready to let go, and needed to just float, so I didn’t say anything.
So there I was, face down in W’s lap, bound, my back already starting to be a distraction. W had Ad bind the candle into the rope and light it. I couldn’t see it, but I could visualize it, the fire burning so close to my skin, and when I felt the first drop of hot wax…
I lost it.
It’s hard to describe where your head goes when you panic. All I can say is suddenly I knew it was the fire that was burning me, not the wax, and I couldn’t escape, and the rope would catch on fire, and I would burn, and burn… I panicked and struggled and cried and sobbed and begged them to stop, to let me go, to get it away from me! I was hysterical, completely out of my head.
And W acted in his usual calm, efficient manner. He calmed me, soothed me, quieted me. Ad did what he could to reassure me as well, following W’s lead (removing the candle? Taking me down? I have no recollection now.) I think they took baby steps and got me to at least calm down in the rope, to trust them not to burn me, to prove to me that I wasn’t going to burn up and they wouldn’t let anything harm me. But I cried off and on the whole time, reliving my panic and being calmed over and over, until finally I was spent and they untied me, and we all three just sat and cuddled while I recovered and tried to make sense of what had happened.
On the way back home J (our Tryst traveling companion) mentioned scenes that go “pear-shaped.” Yep, this was a prime example of one that did. And yet… It was not a bad scene for all of that. I have had a lot of time to noodle on it, on what I experienced, on what went wrong – and right – and what I, ultimately, got out of it, and the bottom line? While I would have liked to experience the kind of wax scene that I had envisioned, what I did experience was valuable in and of itself.
- I had a good long blubbering cry, something I haven’t done in a while. It’s a release, you know? But more than that…it truly was a loss of control. I couldn’t control my reaction, and there is some part of me that revels in that, in the same way that I revel in my inability to stop an orgasm, when W forces me to it.
- I realized – again – why W is such an amazingly fantastic Top, and why I trust him so implicitly. He was calm, in control, careful and attentive. He took a situation that could have been bad and made it just another learning situation for all of us. He knows exactly what to push, and when, and when something isn’t a “push me through it” thing. His reaction was absolutely perfect, even to continuing on a bit in “baby steps” until I reached a place where I was calm again.
- I realized some weaknesses that probably need to be addressed: in myself, when I should have been clearer and firmer in speaking up about what I wanted; and in my level of trust (as it relates to BDSM play) in Ad. Ad is still new at this stuff, and I realized afterwards that part of my fear was in not knowing – as I do with W – that he truly knows what he is doing. When it comes to something that is edgy for me, I need to have absolute trust in the person doing it, even if that thing is an innocuous as wax play. Because none of us knew that this was going to be edgeplay for me, it wasn’t something that we could have considered beforehand. Ad has done wax play on me, many times, and I have loved it. It was the addition of being bound and not being able to see what he was doing that freaked me out. I am not sure how we’ll resolve that part of it, but being able to put my finger on that factor and to talk to W about it helped. I think 1) I just need to have Ad play more with me (practice practice practice) until I have a higher comfort level with him and 2) now that W knows this is an issue for me perhaps he can find ways to unobtrusively let me know he is watching, directing and in control, even when it is Ad doing something.
So…all in all, an amazingly full, exciting, fun-filled day! And we still had one more to go. :-)