This week W decided to write something for the Kink of the Week – lucky me! I absolutely LOVE reading his thoughts on kink, and I hope you will enjoy this as much as I did. He approached the topic in a completely different way than I would have (and might still, if I can get my ass in gear and write something soon) and managed to surprise and delight me with how articulate and perceptive he is. I do hope he will share more in future.
But now, enough of my gushing! Read on and see what you think. ;-)
Does anyone remember the old marketing phrase, “Is it real, or is it Memorex?”
This phrase comes to mind when I think about role play. And it sometimes concerns me a bit. More on that in a minute.
As a top I don’t consider myself much of a role player. In most encounters with my partner, what we do mostly transpires in real life without the embellishment of costume or scripted vocabulary. But I can’t deny the value and effect that role play has had on my development as a kinky person. Harking back to childhood I enthusiastically assumed the role of cowboy, especially if there was even the most remote possibility that any Indian maidens might be tied up in the process. But it was much later in life that these excursions into fantasy became so much more enjoyable. In fact the occasional fantasy has opened my eyes as to what could indeed become reality.
I encourage full-grown adults to engage in role play. First of all, it’s a blast. You haven’t lived until you’ve been a whiskey-swigging redneck sheriff supervising high-heeled girls doing chain gang road maintenance. It took me over an hour to get out of character after filming one such skit for a friend. Through role play I’ve discovered all sorts of kinky pastimes that I might never have considered were it not for the game. Pony play comes to mind. Recently in helping a friend film a ransom skit, an exceptional amount of quiet time was required, leaving her alone to stew and struggle. The lack of intervention was exquisite and has inspired me to play in ways I might not have previously considered.
But more importantly for me is what I’ve discovered about myself and what I’ve discovered about my partners during these role-playing games. It’s surprising what turns us on and the twists and turns the mind takes along the way. Fantasy games are a great way to communicate – especially early on in a relationship. The school girl might communicate how bad she truly is during that paddling at the teacher’s desk, and that Arabian princess might quite like the feel of those chains as she’s lead to market. There’s no doubt in my mind why Halloween has become such a popular adult holiday. Role play can provide a subtle means of communication. A way to test the waters in certain ways while still providing the means to gracefully backtrack if our partner doesn’t send back the right signals.
But you better be prepared. If your fantasies turn a dark corner they can lead to some interesting places. Places that polite society doesn’t let us travel. I’ve learned more about some aspects of human nature playing kinky games than I did over the course of years of conventional socialization. Adult games allow us to explore situations we wouldn’t normally consider.
You see, it turns out some girls don’t mind going home with welts rising from their thighs. Some get wet when you call them filthy names. More than once I’ve been shocked when long after the game has ended my partner whispered “I loved it when your hand was around my neck,” or “you could have left me laying on that cold floor a lot longer.”
So is it real, or is it Memorex?
When I tie a girl up and whip her…when I loan her out to be fucked by a stranger…when I slap her on the face as she lies kneeling on a concrete floor with her wrists tied behind her back. Am I a sadist? Am I a misogynist? Am I a disgusting creature who should be shunned? If I get hard while I’m doing it – and we have burning hot sex later – or during…? Am I doing it because I like it, or she likes it, or both? Am I that person or am I playing a role?
As a role player I can be quite good at my job. I can be very convincing. And I get great satisfaction out of that as long as it is making my partner hot. As long as the experience I give to her is rewarding in its entirety. I know where the distinction lies. I know who I am. But then, do you – the observer – know where the role ends and the real me begins? Does she? If I’m that good at my role, how does the world perceive me as a person?
The truth is not always as it appears. And that sometimes bothers me. But that is one of the burdens of being a top. And one of the joys of playing on the edge. If I’m a rock star in her world, I care less about how I appear in yours.
Check out all the rest Getting Their Kink On! over at the Kink of the Week blog, below.