Canes, canes, canes…oh how I love thee.
And how I love to hate thee.
My love/hate affair with canes started long ago, when I was first starting out in my kink explorations. I had no concept, then, of what a “hardcore” implement canes were perceived to be by many in the kink community. Much later, when I stated talking to people about what they liked and disliked, what made them tick and what made them cringe (see? I’ve always been a curious cat about people’s kinks) I discovered that many, many people have a big red “Hard Limit” sign on canes. And for good reason! As I found out (and continue to be reminded, over and over) canes can be on the “severe” end of WIITWD (What It Is That We Do.) They can leave deep, lasting welts and bruises, and can easily break the skin. Their pain is not an easy one to quantify either – they can be stingy or thuddy, or both at the same time. Sometimes I will experience the initial blazing slash of a cane and think, “Aww (thank god!), that’s over,” as the sting begins to fade – only to feel the deeper, more intense pain that can come after, the one that is so deep it feels like it’s in my tissues and my bones, blooming so bright it knocks the breath out of me.
But that first time? No, that first time I was caned I had no thought of that, and no fear. We were at a small event, an “intensive” put on by Midori, and she asked someone from the audience who had never experienced canes to do a demo with her. Being the demo-slut that I am, I (of course) raised my hand. And what I experienced was pure pleasure. The Hitachi Magic Wand that I was laying on top of while she was caning me may have had something to do with that, but I dunno. That couldn’t have been the whole reason. It was mostly her technique. (There was also something else she did that helped, but I’ll touch on that later.)
In subsequent canings I learned just how intense – and even brutal – a caning could be. I learned to love/hate that kind too, but I still prefer my canings to be less brutal, and more mixed with pleasure, or least with some build-up in intensity rather than just hard hard hard and more hard. W mixes up the kinds of canings he gives me, some not-so-awful, some bordering on pleasurable, and some with a build-up, though he tends toward the harsh caning.
Knowing that, I always dread seeing the cane in his hand, because I never know which it’s going to be.
Which is kind of ironic, since I practically had to beg him to cane me those first times. I even bought him a set of canes, to “encourage” him to cane me – because before he got to me I had always loved being caned, without the “love-to-hate” part.
Be careful what you wish for, right?
Since I had only been caned by Midori before, I kind of thought, after W finally caned me and I practically came out of my skin, that maybe it was just that Midori was super-duper gentle. Maybe she thought I was a wimp, and that’s why she didn’t hit me like he did! I’ve since revised that thought, especially after having been caned by Pandora and then another British friend of hers, and found both of those experiences, while intense, to be vastly different to what happens when W hits me with a cane. What I’ve come to realize is that he either a) really wants it to be the most brutal experience ever when he goes after me like that; or b) it’s just his style: he doesn’t necessarily do it deliberately to make it horrific, that’s just the kind of energy he gets from caning, and using it that way turns him on. (I can attest to the veracity of this last, as I have felt – and been the recipient of – how turned-on he gets when he canes me that way.) Either reason is fine, actually, in spite of sounding like I’m complaining: I like it that there are things that truly test my pain tolerance, that truly drive me to the edge, that could, possibly, make me cry. And truthfully? It’s a huge ego boost to be the recipient of something that severe.
And okay, it’s hot as fuck when he’s hurting me so bad and presses himself against me and all I feel his how goddamned hard his cock is, and I know that me taking that from him – me – I’m the one making him hard.
Also, I like it that he likes doing it that way. There is some twisted part of me that likes when his sadistic part – the part that actually likes me to hurt, that part that is just a little frightening to us both – when that part comes out to play.
I like that it is one implement that makes me question whether I really have it in me to submit to what he is doing. “Why the fuck am I doing this? Why do I want this? What the fuck am I doing here?” are frequent thoughts that run through my head in an intense caning. If there are any thoughts at all besides, “Fuck you, that hurts like a motherfucker, goddamnit!!” (Yeah, caning brings out the potty mouth in me.) I like that it is about submission in those moments, as I fight myself, as I fight to stay there, to take it, not to wimp out. I absolutely love those moments after the strike that feels like it is just too much, like I can’t take it another time, and instead I breathe through it, swallow it down, dig down deep inside to find whatever-it-is that makes me be still, that makes me turn myself to receive more, that makes me submit to it – to him – again.
The moral of this story is not to get caned by W.
Oh wait, no no no, that’s not it! ;-)
I actually have some advice if you’re thinking about experiencing caning with a new partner, or caning for the first time. Do what Midori did with me. She started out by asking me to give her as assessment of each cane strike she made, from one-to-ten, with one being the easiest and ten being the most painful. And then took me through a series of cane strikes, listening to my responses. After that “assessment” part was over, she had a little bit of an understanding of my tolerances, and then she played a while, keeping her strikes within a medium-to-high range, with a few on the very outside of that range. It was an excellent introduction for me, and a good way for her to gauge my tolerances. I highly recommend it.
Lastly, this weekend I have a play date set up with a Top who is known for his caning. We’ve agreed to “five strikes” from each of his canes. I have no idea how many canes he has. (Maybe I should have found out before I said yes? Nah…) He did say he has the U-Haul ready to go though.
I’m looking forward to it. Sort of. That love/hate thing again, right? But I’m curious what his technique will be like. I’ll let you know how it all went when I get back.
You know, if I survive.
Now go check out the other posts in the Kink of the Week!