From my Kink of the Week post this week:
How do you feel about getting or giving marks? Do you treasure them, or can you take or leave them? Are the marks you get (or give) part of your kink, and have some deeper meaning, or just an outcome of what you do?
Or perhaps marks are something to be avoided or hidden, or that cause embarrassment. Or maybe you just don’t like them.
Do you consider yourself a “marks fetishist”? Do you desire them, negotiate for scenes that will cause them, or are maybe even feel disappointed if you don’t get (or give) them? Are getting or causing marks, or the sight of marks on your body or the body of the person you play with, arousing to you?
Are marks sexy? Are they a badge of honor? Do you poke at them, sigh over them, look at them in the mirror, maybe even take pictures of them?
What about those of you with multiple relationships or play partners? Does that affect whether you give or get marks, or how, when or where?
I have to admit that I love looking at my marks in the days following a scene. I love to poke at them and look at them in the mirror, and when I accidentally bump into them the next day, I am reminded all over again of the scene that caused them. Sometimes, as after my Watermelon scene, they are badges of honor, but mostly they are a private way for me to relive, all over again, those intense moments, the intimacy, of the scene. I feel sad as they begin to fade, and look forward to the next time that we will play again, so I can get new ones. That said, I don’t mark easily, or at least they don’t last long. It takes a bit of work for the Guys to bruise my butt! So when I do get them, yeah, I kind of sigh over them, and catching sight of them accidentally in the mirror, or when I am sitting here at work, makes me grin. Ad likes them too – he loves to poke, prod and grope them when I come home marked up by W.
I don’t think we’ve ever played deliberately to give me marks, though. That’s never been the point of scene. In fact, W isn’t all that comfortable giving me marks in places that they might be seen, and for good reason. No one wants others to mistake consensual bruises or marks for non-consensual ones. So he is usually cautious, especially in the summer, because he is concerned about me wearing summer dresses or a swimsuit that might reveal marks on my legs, neck or arms. “It’s okay,” I always say, because I want him to do the things that cause the marks! I don’t care if strangers see marks on me. But I can understand his reticence. No one wants to be thought of as an abuser, and I would never want anyone to think that of him or Ad either.
The other day I had something happen that, upon reflection, has made me a little uneasy though. I had leftover, yellowing marks on the backs of my legs from play we had done at Tryst. I knew about one that was on the front of my upper thigh (I had been mooning over it since we’d gotten back), but didn’t realize I had several down the backs of my thighs as well. Usually if I get marks they are covered by my dresses or shorts, and any that are on my calves can be easily explained by hiking. Since my run-ins with skin cancer, I don’t do the pool-and-sun thing anymore – so normally the bruises wouldn’t have been an issue. But then my daughter came over and asked me to spend some time with her at the pool (properly slathered with sunscreen.) Without thinking about it I said “sure.” It was the applying of the sunscreen that got me: she insisted on making sure I was thoroughly covered with the stuff, and when I turned over onto my belly so she could put it on my back, she saw them.
“Momma!” she said, “What did you do? You’ve got bruises on your legs!”
I’ve been wondering for awhile now when and if she was going to ask about kink. I’ve told her that my blog deals with sex and kink, and that I write erotica that deals with it, but the specific topic hasn’t come up. I wondered if that moment had come. I figured if she had an inkling about what “kinky” really meant when I referred to my sex life and writing, that now was the time she would make a comment or an innuendo of some sort. But she didn’t.
I should have said something then, but I just wasn’t ready to have that talk with her. “It must have been when I was camping last weekend,” I said. She seemed to take that at face value. “You should be more careful,” she said. “Bruising that easily can be a sign of low iron in your blood. You need to remember to take those vitamins I told you about.” And she frowned at me with her patented “you need to take better care of yourself” look. (I get that a lot. She’s very protective of her momma.) And that was that. I don’t think she thought anything more about it.
But the incident made me think about it a lot since it happened. I don’t care what strangers think. I care a lot about what she thinks, though, especially in terms of my relationship with the Guys. It’s important to me that she sees what a strong, positive relationship we have. I believe she does – and I don’t want anything to damage that.
Although we have discussed the difference between abuse and BDSM in general discussions, we haven’t spoken about what that looks like in a real relationship. We haven’t discussed what “being kinky” means in regards to my sex life specifically, because I’d rather discuss it when and if she asks about it, than to force her to hear more than she wants. I don’t believe for a moment that she thinks either of the Guys abuse me (or that the thought has even crossed her mind) but I don’t want there to ever be a moment when she worries about it…so, I may have to bring up the topic myself. Because I know there will be other bruises, other marks. And I want her to know that they aren’t abuse.
Click the link below to find out what the Kink of the Week is all about, read the other great posts on the topic, or to add your own post to the list!