We all know the saying, “All that endures is change.” It’s that time of the year again, when the Boychild is starting a new school year and I am contemplating changes to my personal schedule to try to help him succeed, as in: “not flunk out.” How can a child that is that brilliant be so unmotivated to succeed in school? He continually frustrates me, although, by now, I guess I should be accustomed to it. But this year…this year it is going to be different. Or so I keep telling myself.
So I tell myself every year.
But it might be. I am the eternal optimist, and every year I start the new school year with that optimism fully intact. He does seem enthusiastic about the new program he is in, this last and final year of high school. So maybe this will be the year that he makes good choices, and sticks with them. We’ll see. And maybe this year I will stick with helping him as best I can, rather than giving up in disgust when I can’t seem to get through to him, or he chooses not to follow through, over and over.
Meanwhile, this is the text I got five minutes after Ad drove off to work this morning, on the Boychild’s first day back to school. “Please check to be sure that the Boychild caught the bus,” I said to him on his way out the door. The Boy has to ride the bus to the school where his tech class is, and it comes way too early for either he or I. I had woken him on time that morning, but he is slow to move, and I’d watched as he ran out of the house 2 minutes before the bus was supposed to arrive. I knew he was probably going to be late…but maybe the bus was late too.
No such luck.
Ad: “He missed the bus. I’m taking him in.”
Sigh. The night before I had told both Ad and W that I was going to need to walk him to the bus stop to be sure he caught the bus, and did they think he’d be mad at his Mom walking him to the bus every day? It was said mostly tongue-in-cheek…though not. Not really. I may be an optimist, but I am a realistic one, and I knew even as I “joked” about needing to walk him to the bus that there was a very real chance that it would be a reality.
But that means changes to my much-loved schedule again. Because 1. I have to be here every morning to get him up and go up to the bus stop, and 2. I have to get to bed at a reasonable hour in order to be able to get up that early (5:15.) Which means no midweek overnights with W, and no working from his house on Thursdays. WFH Thursdays have not been what they were in the early days of that experiment lately anyway (remember this?) so I guess that’s not too huge a loss, but there are a dozen other reasons I liked my schedule the way it is/was.
I need more:
- social interaction
- intellectual stimulation
- physical activity
than either of the Guys do, and frankly the bulk of those things comes when I am at W’s. Time at home with Ad is usually fairly quiet, usually sedentary, and spent writing and blogging while he reads or watches TV. We cook together occasionally, and take walks if I insist, but he is pretty insular and self-sufficient, with few outside interests. He is always happy to join in any activities I suggest, but he doesn’t initiate those much. I get the majority of that kind of stimulation either from W, or my own explorations. This isn’t a bad thing, because I need that downtime to write and recharge, but I also need to get charged up, and that is where my time at W’s comes in, and why my schedule as it has been (M-T nights w/Ad, W-Th nights with W, Fri night with Ad, Sat with W and Sun a toss-up) has worked so well for us all. What this schedule change means is that I spend a lot less “up” time (time at W’s) and usually end up frustrated and pissy. And what that means is that oftentimes by the time I do see W, I am often needy and filled with hopes and expectations of having those needs met.
Not always a good place to be. W is not an automaton, his sole purpose is not to fulfill my needs, and – as I mentioned above – my need for kink & sex is higher than his anyway, so at times his needs are at odds with mine.
It’s a conundrum.
I’ve been through all this before though. It’s a common theme. I see the pattern, I know the routine… So what am I going to do different this time? How am I going to change the outcome – which in the past has been a whiny, needy, at times temperamental and definitely unhappy Jade?
First of all, it isn’t as if we haven’t dealt with this situation before. The good thing about a long term relationship is that we’ve “been there, done that,” and hopefully have learned ways to deal with it. And this time, rather on focusing on what I’m unhappy about, rather than bemoaning the things I can’t change, I’m going to focus on the good (or try.) And use this as an opportunity to do good.
I will be able to:
- sleep more (better sleeping habits are healthy)
- write more
- do yoga in the evenings
- as long as I am up anyway, I may as well run in the mornings
- MAYBE cook more often, prepare healthier meals
And maybe, as W says, we’ll find ways to get my other needs met. Date nights that I don’t stay over, lunch dates. Maybe even a beating-booty call once in awhile. ;-) Meanwhile, embrace the change. Right?