Wicked Wednesday – Dirty Talk

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I’m not much for dirty talk, at least not if I’m the one doing it. Fact is, I find it difficult to do at all and feel ridiculous when I try. There was one notable exception recently, but even then it was words whispered in W’s ear that I was embarrassed to say. And in my head the whole time I was thinking, “What if he laughs? What if he thinks I sound stupid? What if it doesn’t turn him on?

That’s the thing: his dirty talk turns me on. Wildly. The nasty stories he whispers or growls in my ear in the middle of sex are often the trigger that send me over the edge into an orgasm, and are often the impetus for the fantasies I use when I fuck myself. I never had dirty stories like that in my head before I met him. At most, I imagined my mouth on an anonymous nipple (the first image I ever masturbated to an orgasm to) or a brief, flashing image of a cock shoving into a wet, open cunt. No stories, no background, no images of people doing things – just anonymous body parts.

Then W came along with his dirty fantasies.  Fantasies of forced sex, of gang bangs and cocks and humiliation, of bondage and being sold and being used by strangers.

The thing is, those were the kinds of things that had turned me on when I read them, always in secret, in dirty magazines and later, on the internet. I don’t know why I never used them when I masturbated, but there you are. Thanks to W’s dirty talk, I have a flourishing fantasy life in my head now, though oddly enough the stories I tell myself are not exactly the ones he tells me. I have little details, scenarios, that work especially well for me.  I find it odd (though I am sure I shouldn’t) that these fantasies also have two identifiable characters in them: myself and W. As I said, my fantasies were always anonymous before.

No one else has ever talked dirty to me. No one else ever called me names, either. Even when I was heavily involved in my D/s relationship with the Ex, he never used the “typical” names people often use in BDSM play, such as slut, cunt, whore, etc. I was always Jade to him, and that was it. W didn’t start to use names like that either until we’d been together for a while. “Industrial Fuck” was the first time, in fact. It made me stupid hot, and still does, when he talks about the metal in my cunt and calls me an Industrial Girl or Industrial Fuck. He uses the word “hole” a lot in describing me now, too, and has other words that only he uses (or that I’ve only ever heard him use.) Cuntmeat, fuckhole, girlmeat.  Oh yes, they have an effect, and they always have.

I love dirty words in a story (as long as they aren’t there just for the shock factor.) I use them often in my own writing, but – again, oddly enough – at times I feel embarrassed when I reread them just before I hit “send,” as though I am talking directly to you all here and saying those words out loud! And – odder still – it makes me a little aroused to do so as well.  To send those words out there into the internet and to know that soon, someone – you – will be reading them, knowing I said them… It embarrasses me and arouses me at the same time.

Heh. It’s weird, I know.

But maybe that is why I write about sex. W recently said, “We get to live our stories over and over. When we do them, when we talk about them, and when you write about them.”

I do find it easier to “talk dirty” if I am reading my own prose. I usually read my stories out loud at least a couple of times before submitting them to an editor, and they need to be read to someone, so the Guys are usually the “beneficiaries” (I use that term loosely because I am sure they must get tired of me reading to them!) This does not embarrass me at all, however, for whatever reason – I’m actually not certain why that is. That’s not to say that reading in front of an audience doesn’t make me nervous, but saying the words doesn’t embarrass me the way having to make up a story or make dirty talk during sex does.  It took me over a year to even bring myself to say the word “please” while W and I were fucking.

Another oddity, though, is that I say the words in my head a lot. “Fuck me,” “fuck my cunt,” “fuck my hole” are all words that go through my mind in those moments of intense arousal, and oftentimes just before I orgasm. I have tried to let them out, but it’s like they get stuck there, stuffed behind my tongue and teeth, choking me.  I have found the words spilling out occasionally quite by accident, usually as I come, though, and afterward I am always intensely embarrassed, though W doesn’t seem to notice (and certainly doesn’t intentionally embarrass me over it.)  I do recall a scene once where a Top made me say what I wanted, though, made me say the words as he whipped me and then fucked me. “Say the words!” he said, over and over. That was freakishly hot, though it almost reduced me to tears at the time in humiliation.

Conversely, having my words stripped from me – having my ability to speak stripped from me – is also extremely hot.

Obviously I have a complex relationship with words. ;-)

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wickedwed

Comments

  1. ancilla ksst

    I have very similar feelings. My Master has been demanding that I talk dirty during sex for a looonnnng time. I do it, of course. And it STILL embarrasses me every single time, even though I talk and write about sex all the time, but in that particular case, with the intimacy, and having to tell him what I am thinking about, or make up a story on the spot, and wondering if it is going to be tooo nasty, or too tame and boring… it is hard for me.

    He also enjoys telling me stories, ones that will both humiliate and arouse me. I think I like that better than having to talk dirty to him :).

    Reply
    1. Jade Post author

      Yup yup…LOVE it when he talks dirty to me, even when it is humiliating talk. I wonder why I am so sure he would not find my dirty talk arousing as well?

      But actually you hit on a key component I think: talking dirty on the spot during sex means telling what I’m thinking about (as opposed to writing fiction which is deliberate and, well, *fiction.*) And it’s embarrassing to admit that I think and or fantasize about a, b or c. Though again, why that should be so for me and not him, I have no idea. Hmm, will ponder this a bit.

      Reply
  2. Marie Rebelle

    I say those words in my head too, but just like you I cannot seem to let them out, except sometimes pure by accident. I sometimes wish it was easier for me to talk dirty during sex, but I think even if it was easier, I would still have been embarrassed by it!

    Great post :)

    Rebel xox

    Reply
  3. W

    For me, talking dirty was a learned behavior. By nature I’m not a talker during sex. But shortly after getting together with my first kink girlfriend she asked me to talk dirty to her. I was literally speechless. I wasn’t raised that way. I had never said words like that to a woman before and it took me weeks before I could utter a few awkward phrases. Eventually though I figured it out. I came to like describing her and telling her exactly what I wanted to do to her. Fortunately she was indeed a very kinky girl and I didn’t get thrown out.

    It comes much more naturally now. And as Jade says – it really heightens a lot of our sexual encounters. It also stimulates my imagination and leads to some interesting scenarios. I’m grateful to my first kink partner for asking for what she wanted. That was a continuing education course I didn’t mind taking.

    Reply
  4. ancilla ksst

    One thing I left out of my comment above: my Master has never been inhibited about talking dirty, so at first, in order to “train” me to do it, he would put the words in my mouth- ie. tell me exactly what to say and then order me to say it. This was way before we even discovered kink or D/s, but I guess we have always been a little bit “that way”, ya know?

    Reply
  5. Lord Raven

    For some it is natural, others not so much. as long as W and you are ok with it then I say all is good. Enjoy the ride and if you one day become comfortable with those words let them flow, I bet he likes hearing them slide off your tongue

    Reply
  6. KaziG

    In my solo moments, I have a handful of phrases and random images that do it for me. I’m still learning to write about it… I’ve written a few steamy scenes but I still have to get over being shy about it :)

    ~Kazi xxx

    Reply

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