Happy Birthday to Me — Ouch!
They say it’s my birthday…
Another year older…
Another year wiser…
Or so you would think, right? (About being wiser. Of course I am a year older, that can’t be helped.) I mean, I gotta be smarter than the much younger, oh-so-naive girl that invited a whole campground of kinksters to come spank her. Right? (Ri-i-i-ght.) That was what, 40 kinksters x 46 whacks — only 1600 whacks, more or less?
That was one red butt.
And oh! did my ass get whacked!
Huh. I guess maybe I didn’t get wiser, because here I am about to do it again. Throw myself to the wolves, so to speak, or perhaps under the bus. I mean, throw myself on all of your tender mercies.
What the heck am I talking about?
I’m talking about a spanking extravaganza with all of you invited to join in.
This idea isn’t completely original. (Well obviously not, since I sort of did it in person at Tryst.) But the idea to put a call out here, in my blog, to join in my birthday spankings, was actually instigated by the lovely SubReiSkyeM, of Thoughts of a Growing Sub. For her recent birthday, she posted a call on her blog for anyone that wanted to “spank” her: they could click a button on her blog and that would add to the number of spankings that her Dominant would give her. She had a wonderful time, and live-tweeted about it as she received her birthday spankings.
What fun, right?
Well. I am always searching for new topics to make into videos for my blog. (Yeah, W created a monster when he showed me how to play with a video camera.) When I saw SubReiSkyeM’s birthday post, my first thought was, “Wouldn’t that make a great video?” I had been disappointed that none of the Tryst photographers had been around for my Tryst Spanking Party…so why not get the Guys to make a video of my birthday spankings this year? And, ala SubRei, I’d give you all a stake in it, by letting you lovely folks decide how many spankings I would get. And, hell, since I am
in throw-myself-under-the-bus mode concerned about the Guys’ poor hands, why not give you all a variety of implements to choose from? You know, to save their poor hands from getting sore on my ass. (Because I am a good subbie like that.)
How fun would that be?
So I talked to W, and I talked to Ad. And they said,
“Hell no, are you insane?!?“
So I did what any good submissive would do: I asked them again. (Of course!) And maybe begged a little. And maybe sucked a lot of cock and maybe promised many other to-be-named depravities. And finally, I pulled out the Big Guns: “But, but…it’s my birthday!!”
How could they resist that? (Hint: they couldn’t.)
So. Here we are! It’s your opportunity to SPANK JADE.
There’s a picture of all the implements, followed by a (hilarious, if I do say so myself) description of each, followed by a form you can submit. (Yeah, you can skip all the yak-yak-yak and just scroll down to the form if you want.)
Here’s a picture of all the implements you have to choose from:
Here is a description of each of them, obtained while W whacked me with each one last night as I wrote this (so that my descriptions would be accurate, of course):
- Hand – The traditional. Ouch!
- Rubber Rug Beater – It doesn’t look like much, but that rubber packs a punch. Thick & inflexible and leaves amazing, painful welts.
- Long Rubber Whip – Fuck that wraps hard (maybe you could request that they NOT wrap me??) Plus the knurled end (W’s word for the balls that make up the handle) feels like miniature boulders. (Your choice of either side or a mixture.)
- Flat Whacker – Flat side: slappy (makes me happy); edge side: deep cane-like pain (not so happy-making); handle: thuddy (your choice of one or a mixture.)
- Blondie (paddle) – Light, slappy, yummy.
- Rattan Rug Beater – Diffused, spread-out whippiness. (Also please don’t suggest W use this to Where Have All the Cowboys Gone, it might kill me.)
- Birch Rod – Oh so British. A bunch of sticks – I like it a lot! Except it keeps breaking bit by bit on my ass…
- Buggy Whip – A million tiny stinging bees. (I had to show W how to use it correctly. I think he’s going to make me pay for that.) But still, yummy!
- Moderate Leather Flogger –Heavy thuddy, like a (occasionally vicious) massage.
- Singletail (4′ long whip) – You’ve already seen this in action (here!)
- Big Wooden Spoon – Big noisy whack. It’s fun!
- Rubber Flogger (fine strand) – Uber stingy and thuddy at the same time – can definitely tell that its not animal skin!
- Horsehair Flogger – Scratchy & occasionally thuddy, when he decides to beat me with the knots.
- Redheaded Slut (paddle) – Heavier and slightly deeper than the blonde – that’s cause us redheads are just better than those blondes. (j/k!) This is actually one of my favorite toys, and one I got for my birthday a long time ago, given to me by its maker, way back when I first started out in the lifestyle.
- Mini Oar (don’t know what else to call it) – Super light, I could take 100 of these – pick this one please!
- Spank Someone Happy Stick – Got it at an event. Super light, but he makes it count by hitting me way too fucking fast with it!
- Heavy Black Dragon Tail – The ultimate juxtaposition in a toy. Heavy but bearable one way but with an end that bites and leave vicious welts! (Don’t try to protect yourself with your hand!)
- Red Dragon Tail – One of my favorites. Lighter than the black, it can bite too, but mostly just delivers a good solid smack.
- Mexican Quirt – There’s a whole story behind this one that I won’t bore ya’ll with now, but it hurts like fuck! (W calls it my Mexico mistake.)
- Green Flogger – A new one to me. Stingy and floggy and whippy – ow.
- Short Red Flogger – Lighter but can have a little bit of thud – yeah he could hit me all day long with it.
- Mace – Balls on Chains. I really don’t know what else to call it. Yeah it’s medieval – it’s like being hit by a barbarian. (Huh, ya think?) I really feel the effect later. Deep thud.
- Short Cutty Flogger – Doesn’t look like much but it’s a bitch.
- Fat Crop – Slappy happy yummy.
- Thin Crop (Fat Crop’s anorexic cousin) – More cane-like, more whippy, it’s got some ouch but I like it.
- Lollipop – Why do I buy my own toys? Ouch! And thuddy.
- Rattan Cane – I LOVE this fucking cane.
- Short Skinny Cane – Whippy, sharp and hard and makes me say fuck! A lot.
- White Plastic Cane – Okay I take that back…THIS makes me say fuck. Fuck fuck fuck and OUCH! Dense, dense, dense.
- Bigger Cane (short skinny’s big sister) – Not quite the Big Bad Boy of W’s canes, this is the middle child. Denser, deeper and longer than #28, it delivers nonetheless.
- Little Singletail (2.5 foot) – Another one of my purchases – and I love it!! Little yummy bites of fire.
- Pressed-Leather Multi-Strand Whip – Another purchase from long ago. (Maybe I’d get a clue not to buy my own toys? Nah…) Just ow, really ow.
- Short Rubber Flogger – Heavy & thuddy.
- Forked Slapper – Thuddy with a bite at the end.
- Black Holey Belt – God I love this belt. (Get the pun? “Holey-God.” Yeah I was getting a little zoned by this time.)
- Brown belt – Woofy and yummy, another implement I love!
And here is a form to fill out if you’d like to have me spanked! Just fill it out with your name, email address & the implement of your choice. (One entry per person, please!) And on the 16th of September, they will happily oblige you all, and SPANK MY ASS. On video! (They do reserve the right to decide how many spanks from each implement I will receive. I guess they are afraid I’ll get so many requests my ass will break or something. R-i-i-i-ght.)
So…ready to spank me?? Good, then go!
(This form will be live until September 14th.)