I have a #KOTW funishment post I’ve been working on and that I meant to post tonight (and may still) as well as this week’s new Kink of the Week topic, but I’m sitting here in a strange house, watching three beautiful boxers (aka “The Girls”) while their owners deal with a house destroyed by a tornado, and I’d much rather yak about this right now!
Hm, maybe I should start at the beginning.
The beginning was here, when I was worrying about whether or not I was even going to have a job after last Friday. I made the cut, and still have my job, but there are changes afoot, changes that I hinted at here. I haven’t gotten the official word yet, but my job may change considerably, the main change being that I will be working remotely full-time. This has its up and down sides: the up being I get to work remotely – from anywhere I have internet access, which means, for the first time I won’t be shackled to a desk, or any one location; the down being that it is at fewer hours (okay I like that) but what that means is it will also be a significant pay cut.
So. I started thinking. About what I could do, what I can do, what I wanted to do.
It’s not all in place yet. I have quite a few plans that are in their infancy, but it feels like things are moving forward, and maybe starting to coalesce. With W’s help and Ad’s support, I am making some solid financial decisions that will (eventually) help with the loss of income. In addition, I’m making some plans to augment my income, that will also (if it all comes to fruition) give me some other things – things both tangible & emotional – that I need very much in my life. Parts of this are scary for me. Parts of this will require me stepping far outside my comfort zone and stretching myself in ways I have never done before. But…isn’t that what it’s all about? It’s all a part of what I was talking about when I wrote my post Living Fearlessly.
Babysitting three dogs may not seem like “living fearlessly,” but…it is. Trust me, it is. That’s because one of the first steps in making those plans happen is that I have started pet and house sitting. And The Girls are my first official, paid, gig! It wasn’t supposed to start until Thanksgiving, actually. But I got a call from them this afternoon. They had a family emergency and had to go out of town unexpectedly. Could I come watch the dogs? I hesitated for just a moment. I was supposed to be staying at W’s, and he had a rather intense scene planned. After a less intense physical scene Saturday morning with a stranger, and then an intense-but-brief scene with W that afternoon, I was ready for some hard play with him.
But this – being there for people when they need me – is what being a good pet-and-house sitter is all about. So I said yes.
And here I am, alone in a strange house with three dogs…
Alone. Did I mention that?
That’s a big deal to me. A far bigger deal than you folks out there might realize. I joke about liking having two guys because I don’t like to be alone, and this way I don’t have to, but there is far more truth to that than might be readily apparent. It’s a big enough deal that it’s a major reason for housesitting in the first place. I want to overcome that. I want to overcome the fear of being alone.
It’s not an actual fear. I just…really don’t do it well. It’s not that I don’t like myself. It’s not that I don’t like my own company. It’s that I live to share – thoughts, ideas, experiences, everything! And when I am experiencing things alone, even a TV show, I don’t get to do that. So I end up not doing any of the things I might want to, because what’s the use? And then I hole up and sleep all the time, and then I get bored, and then I get depressed. Nothing seems enjoyable without someone to share it with.
Today – tonight – is the roll out of Jade 6.0. (I’m not sure where Jades 2-5 were, but W dubbed it Jade 6.0, so here we are.) She may have some bugs. She may have some vulnerabilities that we’ll only become aware of as time goes by. We may need to rewrite some code, make a few changes, patch up some holes and fix some glitches. But I’m up for the challenge. I hope you’ll follow along with me as I explore this new path.