Off-Balance

I can already tell today is going to be one of those challenging days; a day when it’s hard to feel much joy or enthusiasm, when motivation is at an ebb, when I’d just rather curl up in bed and feel sorry for myself.

I’m cold, and lonely, and all of the things that I agreed to do when I took this assignment – long walks for the dog, feed the birds, care for the cat – all seem like chores rather than pleasures. And the things that I wanted to do when I came here – explore the area, learn to cook for myself (real food, not cold cereal), crochet a bit, write, do yoga, experience solitude, take long walks – all seem pointless and stupid.

I’m lonely. I miss the Guys, I miss my kids, I miss the easy, regular routine and tenor of my life.

I miss kink and sex, too, though without some influence from W, that part of me feels as remote and dormant as the cold, ice-encased trees outside.

So this is where I’m supposed to “recalibrate,” right?

Right.

There are many things I could/can/need to do.

  • Read e_lust submissions
  • Start the crochet project for my homeowner’s gift
  • Cook a good meal
  • Yoga – I’m working my way thru the Yoga Journal 21-day Challenge, not every day, but close, and enjoying it.
  • Clean house
  • Take the dog for a walk
  • Take a Sunday drive
  • Go to a coffee shop
  • Feed the birds
  • Play WoW with Ad
  • Do a Sinful Sunday post – it’s about laughter, something that we have had plenty of and I am sure I can find many pictures of…but which, because I am not feeling any laughter now, I am having a hard time feeling enthusiasm for
  • Several miscellaneous maintenance projects related to the blog
  • Write – a blog post, or update Jade Melisande, or a short story
  • Work on the revisions of a story for an editor – or find a way to tell them I don’t want to make them
  • Create my new music playlist

What I want to do is curl up in bed and cry myself to sleep. But of course I can’t do that. The birds and cat are hungry. The dog needs to go out. I have things to do.

I wish W was here.
I wish I wasn’t alone.
I wish I was better at being alone.

Hah…Wicked Wednesday’s prompt is “Three Wishes.” Guess I just made mine.

 

 

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