I wish W was here.
I wish I wasn’t alone.
I wish I was better at being alone.
Now if I actually had three wishes, and was able to choose them with deliberation, I am sure I could come up with something better than those three.
But those are the wishes I made, aren’t they?
W will be here on the 15th. I am (literally) counting down the days (can’t count down the hours because I don’t know exactly when he gets in from NYC yet.) And once he gets here I won’t be alone. But meanwhile…
What would I do if I was better at doing this thing I am doing – this enforced solitude?
I wouldn’t mope as much. I’d make plans to do fun things, like take afternoon drives, explore the area, go out to eat, go see a movie, spend a day in a coffee shop. I could enjoy the experience for what it is, enjoy the quiet and solitude (which is all I said I wanted when I was in California – grass is always greener, eh?) I could appreciate this as the adventure it is more fully, without the constant ache of loneliness tugging at my heart and mind.
I’m trying, really I am. I’m working on it. I’m practicing. And…
I’m getting better. A lot better. Technology helps enormously (Skype I love you!) Texting, emailing, Facebook, even the occasional phone call (gasp!) Our growing comfort with using the technologies available to us and our growing mastery of the vagaries and complexities of long-distance communication have all made this so much more bearable than previous times we have been apart. And, at times, it’s even been fun. Even W’s learning how the little prompt on his part can help me cope.
So, maybe this weekend…I’ll go somewhere new. Take a drive, take myself out to dinner. Listen to some live music. Go to a bar and flirt with a stranger. Who knows? The possibilities are…well, not endless, but they are out there.
If I can be brave, and less of a whiner, and just…do it.
I know, I know, not very “wicked.” But I am sure there’s a lot more wickedness at the link below!