So. Apparently, balance is a common and recurring theme in my life, since I have posted on the topic many times:
Some of you know that I am currently on a month-long housesit here in Eastern Pennsylvania. I haven’t blogged much yet about what I’m up to here in the wilds of Pennsylvania because…
Oh wait, I think that should be the Pennsylvania Wilds. (Looking it up.) Huh, well that’s a place, but not precisely where I am. But it’s close. And it sure as hell feels like the wilds of someplace.
To be specific, I am staying in a cozy little cabin in the woods in the mountains of Pennsylvania, right on the banks of the Delaware River, on the border of New York state. It’s a beautiful, isolated, place; cold & snowy, and I am all alone here for three weeks.
Alone, for three weeks, by choice.
I’m just going to take a moment here to breathe, to let that sink in. Because that is not a sentence I ever thought I would willingly write, much less do. (Yikes, what the hell am I doing?!?)
Okay, I’m back–it’s all good. (Breathing.)
But yeah, this is where I am:
But wait, our trip to the Bahamas is another post (one I promise to make soon!) This post is all about…
Well, about being alone. And finding balance.
This morning (because the universe is nifty like that) my yoga practice featured balance poses. And this was what the teacher said:
Notice that balance is tenuous. And it’s okay that balance is tenuous. It’s okay that you fall into and out of balance. Feel all of the subtle shifting and recalibration that is required to maintain balance. Balance isn’t static.
I sought something specific when I accepted this housesit. Silence. Solitude. And…I wanted to challenge my preconceived notions of myself. I wanted to challenge myself to be alone, and to live with solitude, and to still feel…balanced. So that is what I am doing here. Finding balance. Finding…a part of myself. The part that can be alone, that can be in solitude, and be happy there. Be content, and quiet, and centered. because I believe that part exists…I’ve just never given her a chance to show herself.
Interestingly, what I have found these last seven days is exactly what the yoga teacher said: balance, even here, is constantly shifting. And I am constantly having to recalibrate – shift, recenter, allow myself to live in the moment, whatever it is (loneliness, anxiety, unhappiness, even resentment), breathe, and finally find acceptance – in order to maintain balance. In order to find it, and hold it.
But perhaps that is the real lesson here: you don’t hold balance. Balance isn’t static. You find it, for a moment or a few, and then, when it shifts, when you find yourself off-balance again, you re-center, re-focus, in order to find it again.
And you accept the constantly shifting nature of balance.
Well that’s all a whole lot of woo-woo, now isn’t it? But that’s okay. I need a little woo-woo in my life now and again.
Meanwhile, I’m waiting for a plumber to get here, because guess what? The pipes froze last night. No water, no toilet, and a snowstorm on the horizon. Life goes on, whether I’m in balance or not.