A Sexy Swinger Party

Contrary to my recent posts, it hasn’t been all anxiety, doom and gloom here. I mean, there’ve been asshooks, after all:

And there’s been other sexy fun as well, such as a swinger/sex party that W and I recently attended. The problem is that the anxiety/chaos/doom-and-gloom has inhibited me from feeling like writing much, so I haven’t even shared the fun stuff when it does happen. :-(

But all that’s about to stop, right here, right now.

Well okay, maybe not totally stop, but I’m really gonna try to push through this funk I’m in. One way to do that is to “fake it til I make it” and part of that is to start acting like my normal, kinky self, right? So here we go!

So…how about that swinger/sex party, Jade?

As you may have read before (NiN and Our First Sex Club Adventure), W and I have been dabbling in the swinger lifestyle for some time now, trying to figure out if it’s something we want to do and if so, how to make it work for us. Our dynamic is not one that translates easily into a swinger environment, and, more specifically, is not one that most swingers appreciate or want to engage in or be around. (At least on the party/swinging level. I know many kinksters who are also swingers, but they tend to keep the two separate.) Needless to say (if you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time) you know that my sexuality and arousal is deeply tied to kink, though, and without at least some element of it, I have a hard time getting into the right headspace for a really hot, sexy time. I can get into vanilla sex, but it takes longer, and usually just isn’t as good for me as it is with kink involved.

That said, “kink” doesn’t have to mean whips and chains, pain and suffering. For me, the root of my kink is control. Specifically, being controlled, either subtly or overtly.

There are times when this places W’s style of kink at odds with mine. He is very much into overt control: bondage or CNC, say, during a scene. But the nuances of a more subtle control – things like rules, commands, directives, or even things like giving tasks or telling me what to do, what to wear, etc. – are sometimes lost to him, or at least not something he enjoys doing. So situations that would be ideal for that (such as a swinger party where overt control might be frowned upon) can be problematic for us, or at least for me, because I need some kind of kinky something in order to get my head (and pussy) into sexy time, and he’s just not into doing that.

It’s hard for me to get aroused when it’s me calling the shots, ya know?

But still, after a couple of fumbles and false starts, we’ve started to find a way that works for us. In order for it to work for me, I do have to employ some subtle, kinky mind-games on myself, at least initially, but once there, I usually settle in okay, especially if I tap into my kink for the embarrassment that exhibitionism inspires in me. It also helps that W has gotten more comfortable with the concept of a more subtle method of control, and has even found himself enjoying it at times. He’s finding ways of exerting his dominance at parties like this in ways that don’t make him uncomfortable, and of course it’s those things that get me hot and bothered and ever more willing to step outside my own comfort zone. I have persevered, in spite of my occasional ambivalence, because W loves these parties. He loves taking me to places and showing me off, and I love how much he enjoys it. And from my perspective, in addition to the pleasure and joy I get in pleasing him, I also enjoy watching him at things like this. He’s really good at networking, chatting people up, talking to people and making connections. I love those moments when we are separated and I look across the room to see him fully engaged with someone else, and they with him. It makes me proud, and makes me want to make him proud of me, too. So I stick with it, and do what I have to do to get myself into a mindset that works for me, so I can be there, doing the things that please him.

It’s that “pleasing him” part that adds the necessary kink factor to get my motor running, when I have no outside influence from him. That’s what I mean by playing my own “kinky mind games” before a party (or, as I refer to it at times, domming myself.) It’s telling myself that even tho he isn’t telling me what to do, compelling my acquiescence and submission, by doing the things I know he likes, that I know will please him, I am, in actuality, submitting to him. Kind of like when we are getting ready to go out to dinner, and what I really want is for him to tell me to wear something slutty, or my tit collars or lock and chain, or something else that will be a subtle little reminder of our dynamic while we’re out. But that kind of play just isn’t his style, so I do something on my own (like suggesting I wear the tit collars out, or going to dinner sans panties), because I know he will like it. No, it doesn’t have the same charge that it would if he told me to do it, but there is a little part of my brain that is happy knowing at least he gets a charge out of it, and I make that work for me kink-wise. And then we come home and he does things he does like to do, like hanging me up by the asshook in the closet, and all is good. (grin)

Hm, I’ve wandered off into a bit of a digression, haven’t I? …Or perhaps not, since this is an important element in making these parties work for us.

Oh rats, and now I’m going to do it again, because I realized as I wrote that last sentence that perhaps what I should have said was, “make these parties work for me.” Because, essentially, that’s what we’re talking about. At the root of this is trying to discover ways to turn me into the hot, sexy little fuck-machine that W likes and wants me to be at a party like this. And at the root of that is tapping into the kinky Jade, making her feel controlled and compelled – because I am just not that girl in my own head. My inhibitions, my self-consciousness, my fear of rejection, ridicule and condemnation hold me back. But give me the illusion of being forced, of being made to be that bad girl, that slutty girlfriend, that “fuck-machine” and yeah…I can go there. I want to go there. And that’s what all this is about, in the end.

So, did I go there? Stay tuned for the next episode of “As Jade Turns (into a little fuck-doll)…”

(Yeah that kinda sucked, didn’t it? A whole lot of blah-blah-blah without even getting to the meat of the story! I’ll be back to write about the actual party soon though. Promise!)

Comments

  1. ancilla ksst

    We have also thought about getting involved in that scene. Actually, my Master is interested and I’m not at all, but I will do whatever he says, of course. I understand the swinger thing is very focused on women’s choice and all that, which means we would not fit in at all. The only part that interests me (well, besides that I really like sex) is the forced aspect. I feel like you understand this, from reading your post here.

    Lucky for us, we have found one swinger couple who are also into BDSM and power exchange (for them it is Daddy/babygirl more than D/s) but they have become semi regular visitors, and it works out great for everyone, I think. He is not as sadistic as my Master, but he likes the obedience and deference and enjoys that part. She is also bi, so we have fun that way too.

    She and I were joking that we are “only sluts when following orders”. Yeah, it may be a bit of “don’t throw me into that briarpatch” thinking, but it feels better that way.

    Reply
  2. Malflic

    First off nice to see you writing again. Secondly great to see you are finding ways to make your kinks work in other situations. To me what you described about each meeting the others needs in little ways is really amazing and rare.

    Reply
    1. Tommy

      Trying to get a hold of you guys. Have a a hard on since last time. Need to cum all over your face while W takes pictures! 708-421-7252.

      Reply

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