I’m feeling good this morning. This past weekend was delightful in sooo many ways, and helped to alleviate some of those hamster-head doubts that I can’t seem to exterminate completely, but which, with a little bit of effort by all three of us, we are able to calm somewhat. I don’t know why lack of a specific type of attention (ie sex and BDSM play) = lack of affection in my mind, but there it is. It’s one of my continual self-improvement projects – to eradicate those feelings. (Ha.)
Before I get to the weekend though, I have to share why else I am feeling good this morning: I am feeling better about my job. Specifically:
- I am feeling more confidence in my professional contributions – yesterday I suggested a new way to do something that was met with enthusiasm & today I put out a fire caused by a lack of attention to detail by a colleague. I also discussed my seemingly-diminished workload with Ad last night and realized this is a normal workload in a regular workplace. I’d been working for so long doing the work of 2+ people that I forgot it WAS a double workload. Now I need to learn to relax into a normal schedule and not feel like I’m not doing enough because I’m not working like a crazy woman.
- I am feeling more in control of my schedule. It hasn’t changed, but I am finding ways to do what I want to do/need to do in spite of it (I guess you could say I am adjusting to working in an office 40 hours a week again.)
- I have found a way to incorporate my exercise routine into my week that makes sense and that I (hope I) will follow. Part of that is that I found a yoga studio only a few miles from my house that has classes at just the right time (just in time for me to go straight there from work, with no wriggle-room for me to decide not to go, like I might if I had too long in between getting off work and class time.)
- I am really enjoying the new “look” I have for this job. This is a little hard to articulate, but let’s see…in the past, I have incorporated W’s high heel fetish into my professional look as much as possible, sometimes pushing the edges of “appropriate” just for fun. Due to the fact that I was wearing slutty heels, I of course had to match them with a certain “sexy secretary” style of attire. While I enjoyed that a lot, it is completely inappropriate for my new job. So instead, I have adopted a “sweeter” look, with floaty, flirty skirts and blouses, longer hemlines and lower heels. But, because I am me (and always with the need for W’s approval in the back of my mind) I have enjoyed hunting for the perfect “in-between” heels and attire: the skirt is longer, but maybe it’s a calf-length pencil skirt; the shoes aren’t 5 inch heels, but they are just a tad higher than others might wear, and disguised in a “sweet” style that makes you take a second look when you realize they are that high.
It’s giving me quite a charge, honestly, to have this innocent exterior that only I (and W and all of you) ;-) know hides W’s kinky, sex-kitten Jade beneath. And while I know W prefers a more sexed-up look, this is more…relaxing…for me, and somehow feels naughtier! I can dress slutty when he and I go out together. Or maybe he will find some pleasure in this too, and instruct me to do or wear things like sexy bras and panties or tit collars underneath. Or maybe even meet me out in my “sweet” attire and tell me to take off my panties or bra in the bathroom… Don’t laugh – it could happen! ;-)
In any case, the end result of all this is that I’m feeling good. Good enough that I am creeping out of my isolationist shell and actually attending a work happy hour tonight, something I had only done maybe 3x in the last seven years at my previous employer. And we’re attending a couple’s party Friday night as well, with a whole group of people I don’t know. (If I get brave – or W gets bossy – we might even end up at this sleazy strip club with a “couples dance floor” over on the East Side afterwards!) O.o :-D
Eep, my lunch break is almost over (see, this is me finding new ways to do the stuff I want/need to do!) So rather than save this as a draft to add weekend stuff to it, I’m just going to stop here and write about the weekend in a separate post.
I’ll talk at y’all again soon!