It’s obnoxious to be awake at 4am. Especially when I have to be at work at 8:30, bright and chipper, and on-the-ball for my first day without my predecessor, who officially retired yesterday. However it did mean that I was awake to see W’s text message come in as he boarded the plane in Bordeaux, homeward bound! Very excited for him to get home…and then for he and I and my youngest child, who will be 19 in two days, to leave for NYC.
At oh-fucking-clock in the AM.
This is my schedule: Work til 5, pick W up at 7, grab dinner, run by his house to drop off his France stuff and pick up his NY stuff. Pick up the Boychild at 11pm, drive home, finish packing my own things (which yes, I could be doing now but Ad’s asleep), get back up at 5am to get to the airport by 6am. Yikes. Did I mention I should be sleeping?
But then – NYC for a week! So, you know, I can’t complain. Too much.
Job is going well. I’ve managed to only get lost in the building once, set off the alarm once, and walk into the men’s room once. I still haven’t learned to use the phone or gotten a phone list yet, but I assume now that I will be in my own office, someone will show me the ropes – or phonecords. Hopefully. If not…well, I never liked phones anyway.
I’m actually getting to know my coworkers, thanks, in part, to being stuck out in a temporary workspace in the middle of the office. Everybody walks by, and everybody says hi to me, introduces themselves, etc. I thought “Ack!” when I first saw the set-up, being such an introvert when I am in a new situation, but really, it’s possibly the best thing that could have happened to me. If I’d been ensconced in my office right away, I would have hidden away and never come out. It would have taken me three months to work up the nerve to walk into people’s offices to ask questions or to talk to people in the hallways. Now I feel like one of them, and that’s a new, interesting feeling. I have made a concerted effort to be a part, though, and to talk to people. I even accepted two lunch invitations, one of which was with about ten of the women from my office taking my predecessor to lunch for her retirement. I found out later that she had asked specifically to include me – it was so thoughtful! And I was glad I went, and that I didn’t feel like the outsider, as I so often do. They were so welcoming and friendly, and I was reminded again that oftentimes it is me setting myself apart because of my own fear of rejection, not others excluding me. And I even found things to talk to them about, surprising myself with the wealth of vanilla topics I could chime in on! So there’s hope for me yet, I suppose, although I still anticipate spending most lunch hours alone, reading, writing or running at the park behind the building. I’m not that social.
I also still recognize that I’m different from most of them. I’m actually in the middle age-wise, with very few of them near my age. And the few that are close to my age are…well, a lot older than I am, if that makes sense. Of the others, there is a significant number of them who are getting close to retirement age, with grown children and grandchildren, and then there is a smaller group of early-thirties, who have young children. They are also a pretty conservative bunch, it seems, though that may be only a surface impression. Still, I got quite a few significant “looks” at my ankle tatts yesterday. (The first day that I think they were really noticeable because I wore heels to work.) I wish now I’d worn slacks, since we had an all-staff retirement party at the end of the day, so everyone saw them, but it can’t be helped now. I’ve been marked as, well, “marked.” But tomorrow (today!) I move into my new office, so I can hide away awhile until they all forget. lol
I have been grateful that work has been so busy, though. It’s given me little time to sulk and moon over missing W while he’s been gone. I also had one planned date and one impromptu date Tuesday and Wednesday evenings, which helped significantly. And Ad has been lovely. We’ve had enjoyable evenings, a very nice weekend last weekend, and some sweet love-making. No play though, much to my disappointment. He made a big deal about the fact that we have the house to ourselves, now that his dad is at his summer cottage and the Boychild is at his dad’s, and has mentioned playing several times, but he just can’t seem to muster up the energy or enthusiasm. I’ve about given up on that aspect of our relationship, tho it pains me. But. all in all, it’s been a good week, and I am optimistic about things.
And that wraps up this week’s boring update! I hope to have more motivation to write some sexy stuff soon. I have a number of things I want to write about, but just haven’t been able to push myself to do so. I’m content at the moment to not push myself. But I do so miss my smutty stories!